Tag: new

Cromartie Expected 14th Child Despite Getting A Vasectomy

Cromartie Expected 14th Child Despite Getting A Vasectomy

Dear Mr. Cromartie, Hitting yourself in the balls with a baseball bat is not a vasectomy.   After claiming to get a vasectomy, Antonio Cromartie has his 14th child on the way.  His Super-sperm cannot be contained.  Unreal stuff. I don't really know how vasectomies work, but I'm pretty sure you still nut, there's just … Continue reading Cromartie Expected 14th Child Despite Getting A Vasectomy

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Marshawn Lynch Demands Trade To Raiders, Carroll Promptly Feels Like A Fucking Idiot

Marshawn Lynch Demands Trade To Raiders, Carroll Promptly Feels Like A Fucking Idiot

MSN -  Running back Marshawn Lynch will be traded from the Seahawks to the Raiders Wednesday, according to NFL Media's Mike Garafolo. The teams will swap late-round picks in the 2018 NFL Draft, and Lynch will agree to a one-year contract, Garafolo reported. The deal is contingent upon Lynch passing a physical, which is standard for … Continue reading Marshawn Lynch Demands Trade To Raiders, Carroll Promptly Feels Like A Fucking Idiot

Will Smith’s Killer Sentenced To Only 25 Years

Will Smith’s Killer Sentenced To Only 25 Years

MSN -  The man who fatally shot retired New Orleans Saints star Will Smith and wounded his wife after a traffic crash last year was sentenced Thursday to 25 years in prison for manslaughter, far less than the maximum prosecutors had called for. Cardell Hayes faced up to 60 years if given consecutive maximum terms for … Continue reading Will Smith’s Killer Sentenced To Only 25 Years

The Patriots Need To Bring An Aaron Hernandez Hologram To The White House

The Patriots Need To Bring An Aaron Hernandez Hologram To The White House

Pay your respects, Robert Craft.  Yes, AH81 (I made that up.  Credit me with it every time you use it.) never won any Super Bowls but he had 18 touchdowns in 3 seasons with the Pats.  The dual tight-end formation starring Gronk and Hernandez was unstoppable when they were both fully healthy.  And in all … Continue reading The Patriots Need To Bring An Aaron Hernandez Hologram To The White House

Big Ben Is Back And Better Than Ever

Big Ben Is Back And Better Than Ever

Ben Roethlisberger.  13 seasons.  2 Super Bowl rings.  And a shitload of rape charges. But after contemplating retirement for a few months, everybody's least favorite rapist is back for one more Super Bowl run.  Which is pointless because the Patriots pretty much already have it wrapped up.  This guy hasn't beat the Pats since 2011. … Continue reading Big Ben Is Back And Better Than Ever

Jeb Bush Sucks At Politics So He Wants To Buy The Marlins Instead

Jeb Bush Sucks At Politics So He Wants To Buy The Marlins Instead

Fox Business -  At least three possible bidders have emerged to purchase the Miami Marlins baseball team including one representing the country’s most prominent political family, and one representing a future Hall of Famer, the FOX Business Network has learned. Former New York Yankees star shortstop Derek Jeter has expressed interest in bidding for the team, … Continue reading Jeb Bush Sucks At Politics So He Wants To Buy The Marlins Instead

Welcome To Impaired Insights

Welcome To Impaired Insights

Welcome to Impaired Insights.  We are not here to copy other sports and entertainment blog websites.  In fact, we don't want to be a sports blog or an entertainment blog, we want to be an everything blog.  25% sports.  25% entertainment/pop culture.  25% news/politics.  And 25% satire/personal stories, with a little bit of original videos … Continue reading Welcome To Impaired Insights