3 months. 3 fucking months. Any decent human being would’ve given it back without even being asked. I’ll explain:
During Christmas Break 2016 my coworker’s roommates had all gone home for Christmas and she was really bored and lonely so she invited me over and we began hanging out every other night. I cooked some pasta, no big deal, it wasn’t anything romantic. Just two people sitting around watching Love Actually, listening to Otis Redding, and making her cat wear a Santa suit.
(Adorable picture, but a snapchat story that caused a lot of rumors and speculation around the workplace. Not a fun time.)
We hung out the day after Christmas and my family had a bunch of Portuguese food left over (when Portagees have 12 people at a party there’s enough food for 24) so I brought some in a Tupperware container for us to eat. It was a bunch of kinds of different Portuguese food. Cacoila, linguica, chourico. Ironically, the only Portuguese meat that I wasn’t shoving down her throat was the one that’s attached to my body.
At the end of the night there’s still some food left over. I tell her she can have it so she has something to eat for lunch tomorrow and that she can give me the Tupperware back the next time we work. I didn’t realize that she was going on vacation right before I was going on vacation. This would be the last time we saw each other for 3 weeks.
By the time I get back in town, a lot of stuff is going on at work and I decide that because of office politics, I’d be better off not speaking to her. She gets extremely offended. It is at this point, I realize I’m not getting my fucking Tupperware back.
Once I realized that, my primary goal in life had become getting that Tupperware back in my kitchen cabinet.
“Hey, I’m sorry that I stopped talking to you before, it was just the smart decision for me. It’s what I needed to do at the time.”
“Are you still mad?”
“Hey, I want to make it up to you. I can come over next week and cook for you and your roommates if you want. I’ll bring treats for your cat, too.”
“Actually that would be pretty nice. My roommates would love that and so would my cat.”
“Hey am I still coming over tonight to cook for you and your roommates?”
Guess that’s a no. But I assume eventually I’ll be getting my Tupperware back. Nope. It’s been 3 months. No Tupperware. She knows it’s mine, too. Everyday she probably sees it in her kitchen and it stands out because it doesn’t match her Tupperware set and she has not even considered giving it back. And it’s been way to long for me to ask for it back.
I realize this has been a pretty boring blog, but the only reason I posted it was so I can send her a link to it and give the hint that I fucking want it back. I will provide an update at a later time.
Oh yeah, I want my fucking Monopoly back, too. Bitch.