I did some research and ranked the major cell phone companies based the data I collected.
4. The telegraph
Why is Sprint so low on this list you ask? Because their service leaves me standing there with my dick in my hand. I mean, I pay $55 a month for unlimited data, which is less than what Verizon and AT&T charge so I guess you get what you pay for, but I should be able to connect to the Internet when I have 4 LTE bars.
And I’m mad because I’m standing there figuratively stroking my cock trying to load Snapchat, when there’s guys in the bathroom literally stroking their cock on Pornhub with their lightning speed Internet connection. So at least buy me some Jergen’s, Sprint. Because all this stroking is chafing me up.