Harambe Is The Most Overrated Athlete of All-Time

Harambe Is The Most Overrated Athlete of All-Time

Let’s face the facts here. Harambe is the most overrated athlete ever.  They call him “The Greatest That Never Was”.  I don’t really understand why people take rides on his dick like it’s the carousel at a county fair.  If he’s so awesome why couldn’t he dodge a single bullet?  One shot and that boy was out.

Zero agility, zero awareness, and a 14.4 second 40-yard dash time. Would’ve gone undrafted in the NFL.  Might make it onto a practice squad, but would never see the light of day on an NFL field.

The kid could’ve been a monster power hitter in the MLB though.  Basically a Jim Thome clone (notice how I didn’t say Frank Thomas?  That’s some true color-blindness on my part.  Might as well hand me that Nobel Peace Prize right now).  Could’ve played 18 seasons in the bigs, smacked 500 homers, and had a career average of .300.

But why do people make him out to be some kind of hero?  People forget that he was seconds away from going all Adrian Peterson on some kid that hopped into his playpen.

The real shame is that if Harambe lived in Texas he would’ve been allowed to maul that kid because of the stand your ground laws.  But in Ohio when a child trespasses on your own property you get shot.  Complete and utter bullshit.

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