Eskimo Brother (ĕs′kə-mō′ brŭth′ər) n. : A male who has had at least one sexual encounter with the same person as you.
Eskimo Sister (ĕs′kə-mō′ sĭs′tər) n. : A female who has had at least one sexual encounter with the same person as you.
So a friend of mine has recently begun courting a girl that he’s known for about 9 months now. They have mutual interest in each other and get along well, so I’m happy for them. But here’s where things get messy…
…My friend and this girl have both had their tongues on the same vagina at separate times- and possibly the same asshole, which makes them Eskimo siblings. So the question is: if they hook up, is it wrong? Because technically, this is a form of incest – Eskimo incest.
Incest between siblings is illegal – unless they are twin sisters having a threesome. This is because they have the same DNA, which means there’s no mixing of chromosomes. Twins are pretty much one person split into two, so for them to sexually interact with each other in a threesome setting is basically masturbating.
I’m pretty sure incest between 1st, 2nd, and 3rd cousins is illegal, too. That’s why I, as a full-blooded Portuguese-American, don’t date Portuguese girls as a precaution, nor have I ever dated one. Since all the Portuguese people in America are stuffed into a small 20-mile radius, most of us are probably cousins and don’t even realize it. I’ve gone to funerals and seen my friend and been like, “Hey man, what are you doing at my aunt’s funeral?” and he’s like “No. What are you doing at MY aunt’s funeral?” Now imagine you walk into your aunt’s funeral and have that exact conversation, except it’s not with your friend, it’s with your girlfriend. Gross.
Eskimo incest: Go for it.
Twins being involved in a threesome: Basically a twosome.
Sleeping with Portuguese girls: Not worth going to jail over.