Fake Fight Breakdown: Gorilla vs Grizzly Bear

Fake Fight Breakdown: Gorilla vs Grizzly Bear

A classic hypothetical fight with more hype than McGregor x Mayweather. Very simple how it would play out.

Gorillas are smarter, have opposable thumbs, and are signicicantly stronger. Other than that, a grizzly has every advantage. I mean we’re talking razor sharp claws, teeth/bite power good enough to eat human beings (RIP Timothy Treadwell), and top speeds coming in at 35 mph. Also, throw in the fact that pussy bitch Harambe was shot only ONCE from a rifle and he was out. Know how many shots it takes to even slow down a grizzly? He eats bullets for breakfast, proving that his chin can stand the gorillas heaviest of blows.

Now if we’re playing by UFC rules here, I would have to say the gorilla has a massive reach advantage and can expose the grizzly on the ground. A rear naked choke in the first round would not shock me one bit. But that would never happen because animals have tiny brains and can’t comprehend the complexity of sports. 

Animal cage fights would be the #1 most entertaining event in the world and there’s no question some country out there wouldn’t give a fuck enough to put on a show. Russia would go from evil to the coolest place in the world in just a couple pay-per-views. Reunite Rogan and Goldberg and you might as well just cancel the UFC.

I’ve been trying to think of another good animal battle and it’s tougher than it seems. I settled on hippo vs. rhino but that still feels like a murder for the hippo. 


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