I Keep Having Homoerotic Dreams About Tom Brady, But Can You Blame Me?

I Keep Having Homoerotic Dreams About Tom Brady, But Can You Blame Me?

I will preface this article by saying this: I Am Not Gay (not there’s anything wrong with that).


Yeah, I keep having dreams about Tom Brady, but it doesn’t make me gay.  Plenty of heterosexual men all across New England are in the same situation and I know that because it was a hotly debated topic at my old workplace.  After a vote, we concluded that there is nothing gay about appreciating Tom Brady’s rugged good looks in addition to his impressive football resume.

If you give a man god-like physical features and 5 Super Bowls you can’t blame millions of men for drooling over him.   His dimpled chin, his perfect stubble, his Super Bowl ring-covered hand choking me as he – wait… Nope, the gaydar is still reading 0.

3 Super Bowl victories?  An impressive feat, but still not worth dreaming about.  4 Super Bowl rings?  Maybe the thought crosses your mind once in a while.  5 rings?  Go ahead, Tommy.  Split me open like a coconut and have your way with me.  Make soup of my insides.

Keep in mind he was able to put a ring on one of the hottest supermodels in the world.  You know he’s packing heat down there.  No shame in acknowledging it.

But as great as Tom Brady is, how am I not having dreams about Adam Levine?  Let’s go, Adam. Make it Harder (for me) To Breathe.

Wait… can you hear that?  I think I set the gaydar off again. Can somebody put it on snooze for me?


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