Why Penises Are The Main Cause of Car Accidents

Why Penises Are The Main Cause of Car Accidents

Fox News – The driver of a pickup truck that crossed the center line and crashed into a church minibus in Texas told a witness that he had been texting while driving. 

Jody Kuchler told The Associated Press he was driving behind the truck and had seen it moving erratically prior to the Wednesday collision on a two-lane road about 75 miles west (120 km) of San Antonio, near the town of Concan. Kuchler said the truck had crossed the center line several times while he followed it.

Kuchler said he called the sheriff’s offices for both Uvalde and Real counties while he followed the truck and told them “they needed to get him off the road before he hit somebody.”


We’ve all been there guys.  You’re driving and you get a text.  If it’s your friend, it can wait.  If it’s a girl or guy you’re trying to plow, it’s game over.  In the year 2017, texting is the #1 cause of car accidents and penises are to blame.  You get that text and you know you gotta respond or somebody else will steal that opportunity away from you.  You snooze you lose.

Word of advice: Voice-to-text.  It’s a lifesaver and by far the best feature on the iPhone.  Only downside is sometimes Siri doesn’t hear you clearly and then you end up saying some shit that doesn’t make any sense.  Like:

“Lemme muck on those cities girl.”


“I’m hard as Iraq.”


“Shit on my face.”  Which, depending what you’re into, might not even be a typo.  To each his own.

Moral of the story: Don’t text and drive.  Have Siri text for you.  But be aware, Siri could get you into some shit.  Literally.  And possibly e coli.


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